Attention whore

This is a not so serious post... or is it?!?

I've always considered myself being independant.  Still, I do remember some episodes in my life where I wanted to be noticed, "befriended", liked.  I'm not really proud of what goes in my head when I don't get the attention I want or expect.  Doubts come over, than anger and sadness.

When I was meeting the sex counselor, we began by exploring my personality and try to identify some negative schemes in my life.  Three came out.  Two were expected, but one was a surprise to my counsellor and me.  That surprise was a "love deficit".  I think it was a surprise because I've managed to get passed it.... by being independant.  However, I do think that it was a security system I set up in order to not suffer from that love deficit.  It had even managed to fool my counsellor.

In everyday situation, I don't like to be the center of attention.  However, I have come to realize that when I want to be noticed (for whatever reason), I get really sad if I don't get the attention I want from the people I want.  It's in these situations that I don't like how I react and what goes in my head.

When I started this blog, I had a few reasons to do it.  But I had not imagined that getting attention would be one.  I can now confirm that it is an opportunity for me to get some attention and I am not proud to say that sometimes, I'm sad for the lack of comments.  I'm an attention whore when comes to getting comments on my posts.  I remember reading two bloggers who said they needed comments on their posts because they were attention whore.  I can say I'm in that group too...  But is every blogger an attention whore?  I guess not if they have a well fulfilled non-virtual life.

I guess that's my problem...  I need to get a life out here!! I don't think it's healthy to rely on the virtual world to get the attention I need.  I need to meet new people and I'm really looking forward to meet new friends at the local LGBT group.  However, the summer break isn't over yet for the group, I think it starts back only in a few weeks.  Of course, having a nice guy in my life would help a lot too!!

I really don't want you readers to think that I'm sad at you..... I'm sad at me.  There are things that need to be changed in my life in order to get the attention and love I need.  Blogging helps and meeting great persons via blogging too!!!  I'm really happy to have you all in my life, you do make a difference for me.  This is true, you often make my day... However, it can't end there.... I need to continue going forward** in the "real life".

OK, so I think I've made my share of not so positive posts lately...  I want you to know that I'm still fine and I still have great days most of the time.  This week has been pretty rough for a lot of people around me and I didn't escape that trend....  However, the week is over so we can put it out behind us!!  I'm hoping to be able to share some more joyous posts in the coming weeks!!

Take care, everyone!

JF

**  See Matt, I can do it too!!