Tonight, I've been wanting to post something. I wanted to yet again give something to my readers. A few ideas came and go... they were not what I was looking for. I let my mind wander and my thoughts flow. Then I came to remember about some of the comments I've received on my posts.
There's some kind of tendancy going on. In many of your comments, you take some time to write that you wish me the best in my journey, that you like my writings, that you see a good guy in me, that you care about me in a very positive way. This is truly amazing. I was expecting some ponctual good words, but this is way beyond my expectations. Like I commented on an older post, I think that I'm too close to the trees to see the forest. I only consider myself as a lucid guy whot tries to be the best man possible, while trying to become the man he wants to be. That journey is also currently marked by my desire to be an out gay man in pursuit of love. That last sentence alone brings a lot of uncertainties in my life, as there is no step by step guide available in my local library. I have to go through these moments respecting my values, listening to my emotions and taking great care of other peoples emotions and reactions. That's probably the hardest part, because I really often think that nobody thinks like me. However, I know that it is not true because of all the support you've given me. You've also helped me to relax a bit about my coming out process. This past weekend I decided that I was not going to think about it and I had a great weekend.
I'm still somehow on my own, because it's my life and my destiny. However, I don't feel alone, thanks in great part to your support. I am truly touched by your support and, honestly, I am sometimes overwhelmed, as you guys and girls seem to see some stuff that I don't (that's disorienting!!). You're all really wise! But seriously, it gives me confidence that some day, the people around me will get me as much as you do.
In the end, I just want to say "THANK YOU!" I'm really lucky that you stopped on my blog and that you've come to appreciate me enough to give me some words of encouragement. As a sign of recognition, please appreciate these eye candies!
This is what community is; connection, communication, empathy, compassion, sharing and support. In my own blogging, over the years, I too have found a place to order my thoughts, ask questions, receive input and gain a perspective on myself and circumstances from outside the sometimes constraining and limiting walls of my own mind, heart and conscious.
ReplyDeleteI am glad and thankful that you do take time to share with all of us, for in your doing so, you also create and provide these things for others that you have found here yourself. You can thank others, as is due, but also take the time to recognize and thank yourself as well. Working out your own life, not only daily with your family, peers and friends, but also here among those of us you may never "meet" takes courage, strength, introspection, authenticity and vulnerability.
Never underestimate the power of being yourself.
daemon
I'm glad you're finding we're all friends here. :)
ReplyDeleteJF, one of the cool things I've learned about writing a blog is that you get to share parts of your life with other people who don't know you in real life. I will say that I'd actually love to meet many of my readers because they seem like such cool people.
ReplyDeleteBut the point I want to make is that you get to open up on your blog and share whatever you want while knowing that people actually want to know what's going on in your head. And the greatest gift you get back from readers is to read their response and get their support and feedback. I've actually changed how I was thinking or feeling about something because of comments people left. I might have been feeling down on myself about something and when people said things like, "Oh, I think like that sometime, too, and this is how I work through it...", or "Hey Matt, don't forget that being hard on ourselves happens to everybody. Just remember that you're open to learning from your feelings..."
When you were saying how your readers give you support and point out things about yourself you might not see clearly, you made this comment: "But seriously, it gives me confidence that some day, the people around me will get me as much as you do." That made me think about how your blog is just one thing you're doing in "Going Forward" in your life!
I like what daemon said, too: "Never underestimate the power of being yourself."
Oh, and THANKS for the eye candy! Yummy! ;-)
Thanks for inviting us along for the ride. It's an honor to get to know you in such an open and authentic way.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone.
ReplyDeleteMatt and daemon, I had to read and reread your comments a few times to "digest" your messages. What I mean by that is that you're probably much more insightful than I am, so I'm kinda navigating on new waters. At least, you have an insight on my own life that I don't have. It is frankly disorienting, a bit disturbing, but also thought-provoking, welcome and appreciated.
Daemon, I think you are very right in pointing "courage, strength, introspection, authenticity and vulnerability" as key elements to work on our own life. When I began this blog, I knew that I would have and express the 4 first. However, I had not anticipated that vulnerability will become an important factor in my life. We all want to be strong, but I have come to learn to let myself be vulnerable and actually accept it as a part of who I am and who I will become. I think I have to build as well on my strenghts than on my vulnerability, as I think it allows me to be more grounded and close to what I feel and what I want. This is a thought that had been slowly materializing in my head, but your comment put all the pieces of this puzzle together.
Finally, even with all the rereadings I've made of your comment, I don't think I totally get the meaning of "Never underestimate the power of being yourself." I understand the words, but I have a hard time to really understand what they mean. I don't know what to do with that advice. There are certainly some important things that I don't understand about myself or about life. It makes me feel a bit empty :(