I have received a very interesting comment from TwoLives in one of my latest posts. He wrote this:
Catching eyes and a smile from a cute guy is definitely a thrill. I can understand why you want to pursue this guy and why you wanted to pursue the guy at the clothing store. But with that said, I think you've put too much effort into chasing these questionable leads. You don't know if they're gay. You don't know if they're single. And even they are, you don't know if you have anything in common. A more constructive approach would be to try some on-line dating sites. That way you'd be fishing in small pond where the guys want to be caught, instead of fishing in an unpredictable ocean where anything can happen.
I totally agree with all that TwoLives has written. However, I feel the need to explain more where I am at at the moment.
Back in August, I wrote this post where I explained that I was looking for opportunities to meet guys via an online dating site. I did do it, but sadly nothing really came out of that.
In November, I wrote in this post that I had tried other sites but that it was a waste of time in the end. It is then that I decided that I would try to meet guys / be open to guys I would meet. So I decided to go to a store where I knew a cute guy worked and that might be gay. I ended up not getting to be brave enough to really make a move, but I still did a lot of things that I had never done before. I also experimentend emotions that I never had.
In December, something "unplanned" happened where I met a guy at a reception room who I was interested in. Unfortunately, I didn't have the guts to make a move right away. I tried to save the situation later by trying to contact him, but it was a huge failure LOL!! Once again, I experimented things that I never had before and I even got to interact with some friends about it, which was also new to me.
What I want to say is that I know there are more "certainties" about trying to find a man on an online dating site. But at the same time, the few that I've experienced.... is still some experience. I have made stuff that I never had done before and felt new things, which is really good in my opinion. It may not be much, but that's a lot more than what I had only a few months ago.
And as TwoLives pointed out, it is a thrill to be in that "zone" where you think you may have a chance with a guy you meet. I can even say that I have always thought that I was no good at all in the seducing game, but now I may consider thinking that I may not do so bad if I really give it a try!! That is really something that surprises me!!
In the end, I want to keep as many doors open as I can, so I won't focus solely on dating sites. I want to be open to interesting guys I meet. But I will also try to get a profile on some other dating sites that are probably more popular. I have avoided on purpose the main dating sites I found because they were not exclusively for gay people. That meant that if I created an account, anyone I know could have seen me there and I was not ready for anyone to know I'm gay, because there were other persons to whom I needed to tell by myself. Since that stage is done and that hopefully soon, I won't care that anyone finds I am gay, it will then be a good time to get an account. Also I have to say that I find it really intimidating to describe myself on these sites if people I know are going to read it...
I suppose that explains where I am at right now!! I felt like I needed to expand more on why I do or don't do certain things.
In the end, even if I have not been successful so far in finding a guy, I take it ll as good experiences and I am happy to get to know myself better.
As a side note, my mother's New Year's wish for me is to find a boyfirend :) :)
I just need to find the right fish in the right lake ;-P
Your points are good ones.
ReplyDeleteI didn't say this, and I should have, but I've been in awe of your bravery and determination. I've known that I'm gay for a lot longer than you, and I've locked eyes with more than a few guys over the years, but I've never once pursued someone in person. For you to approach these guys is really quite brave and amazing.
I'd like you to have some well-deserved success, which why I encouraged you to try some dating sites. Dating sites are not always easy but you can certainly increase your chances for success by hitting on guys who you know are gay rather than ones you're not sure about.
It's great that you're learning to be more seductive. That can be a big help on dating sites because most people wait to be contacted. You're certain to have success if you're as persistent online as you've been in person. So, it's just as you've said...you've had a lot of firsts and learned a lot...it's all been good!
Thank you very much! It is very appreciated coming from a fellow gay man!
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ReplyDeleteI thought the same thing which Two Lives expressed so well (in his comment at the start of your post) about not knowing whether or not the guys were even gay or available. But I also felt that it was very brave of you to attempt those face-to-face connections. The risk of a face-to-face rejection is more difficult than anything you could experience online, I think.
ReplyDeleteI've read that 70% of gay couples meet online so I would definitely continue to keep trying the dating sites. The popularity of site varies considerably with your location so try to find out which are the best one or two in your town.
I think it's sweet that your mother wants you to have a bf! My 18 year old daughter feels the same way about me.
That statistic is very interesting!! Thanks again for your words. (BTW I don't feel that brave!!)
DeleteHey JF! I think you have the right mindset about finding a man and have been pretty open about trying different ways to find one, but you're right it's all about finding the right fish in the right pond. :) Good luck, my friend, I hope you snag him soon.
ReplyDeleteI think everything has already been said beautifully. I've always been moved by your fearlessness and tenacity as well. You've worked so hard to be true to yourself and your goals - I know that dedication will pay off for you (and in many ways already has).
ReplyDeleteLovin' your mom. :) Are you one of three kids?
Yes Ann MArie we are 3 kids, I'm the middle one!
DeleteHey, JF -
ReplyDeleteYou may have said in the past and I can't remember, but are you old enough to go to the bars? You might want to try going to a gay bar to check it out. Bring a girl that's a friend with you to hang with, and that way you can check out the guys, but have your gf for cover. You don't have to be looking to hook up, but you can maybe meet some people there, and have some friends to hang out and have fun with. The more gay people you meet, you'll be going in the right direction.
Very interesting comment Girl Tuesday! See my answer in my next post :P
DeleteBTW I'm glad you still read me !