Sometimes

I guess sometimes it's just not meant to be.  Even if 2 persons are attached to each other and get along super well, it won't just happen.

I'm not in love with SL, yet I have tears this morning.  The first time I have tears for a guy.

Tired

Hey! I have been either hurting from a backache or tired or just feeling off or ill this week.  So I'm just too tired to write a long post.  In the meantime, you can watch these vids that caught my attention this week.

The beginning of something?

Hey everyone.

Yes I know, I'm a tease haha! Sorry about that!!  I just post what I can when I can, that's my excuse! LOL

So, last Saturday, I was lazy in bed and started browsing profiles on the dating site.  I was actually looking at profiles of guys who were online, cause I find it's easier to establish a first contact when the guy is online.  One of the guys I saw wrote something relly nice on his profile.  It was something like

" Looking for a guy to go hiking, play badminton, watch movies, go to restaurants...  Looking to build something in the long term."

I really liked how he presented himself, so I thought I should say hi to him.  2 things could have prevented me from doing so.  1- he lives an hour and 15 away. 2- he only had one picture on his profile and it was one of him staring away, showing the camera his (naked) back.  (still had pants and a cap on !)  So I thought maybe this guy doesn,t really look for long term.  Anyways, I didn't have anything to lose so I wrote him something like:

" Hi, I really like the way you present yourself on your profile"

And he replied to me saying

"Yeah I like yours too"

Guess what, we continued chatting together and we did get along very well pretty fast.  He added me on facebook temporarily, so that I could see pics of him (gee he is gorgeous and very sexy :) )  Soon enough, we started chatting on skype, as it is mush easier to chat there than on the dating site.  We even video skyped and it was funny because he wanted to either just talk or just see on video.  So when I would see him he wouldn't speak, he was just typing!  How shy he is hahaha!!

We stopped chatting around noon as we both had stuff to do.  We met again at around 4PM and he was telling me that he would go see a movie later that night. I asked him if he would go alone and he said yes.  Now you know how much of a big heart I have :)  and I started implying that we could go together.  He was really happy with the suggestion and we set to go watch IronMan 3 at a town midway between our respective towns.  Once that was set, we kinda realized that we could eat together before going to the movie!!  So we agreed on meeting at a restaurant near the theatre.

He is a big texter! And I'm not! But I text more than ever with him!  So prior to meeting for real for the first time, he had sen me plenty of cute text messages.  I replied to most of them. (oh and I told him to stop texting and driving!!).  When I arrived at the restaurant I knew he was already there, but I couldn't find him.  I texted him and asked where he was. At a certain point, I thought it would be better so I just called him.  However, he didn't answer and I got into his voicemail.  But, I didn't understand why the name on the voicemail wasn't the one he had given me.  So I told myself I would ask him later about that.

He finally arrived and we met and we went in the restaurant together.  We chatted all the time and it was great.  He was the first out of the 4 guys I had met that I thought we really got along well.  At one point we talk about texting and about our phone and I hand him my phone to explain why I hate texting. He quickly gives it back to me and he shows me that I have an unread text message.

I was surprised cause I thought I had read all the messages he had sent me.  So I read it and I don't understand why he had written this:

"Hey sorry I couldn't reply, I'm at a dinner and it is more polite to answer by text than to pick up the call."

I was very confused and somehow I realized that it is not my date who wrote it (let's just call him SL, I can't find any nickname!). It was the guy I had an ice ceram with and who didn't show up for the tennis game.  So I understood everything!!  I started laughing and I explained SL that I had called him but he didn't answer and that I was surprised at the name on the voicemail.  But it was just because I had called the wrong guy!!!  Hahaha, luckily SL wasn't mad at all and I showed him that their names are one above each other in my list so I selected the wrong guy.  What a coincidence anyways!!  And what a luck that the ice cream guy didn't answer when I called him, cause it would have been really awkward.

Since then it's a running gag between SL and me.  We imply that I have a double life and that I see the ice cream guy on the side, it's really funny!!  But that running gag shows how we get along well and how we both make each other laugh.

Anyways, after dinner we went to the theater and the movie was OK, I was expecting more.  We didn't really get close during the movie and I guess it was OK for both of us.  But between the restaurant and the theater, he kinda "bumped" into me a few times affectionnately and I liked it.

After the movie we simply said goodbye, no hug or kiss.  Back home we chatted a bit again so it was good.  I was a bit apprehensive that I wouldn't see him again since I had a bad run, but I was happy that he was still shatting with me!

On Sunday morning we chatted a bit again and since it was Mother's day, we both had something with our families.  I had a brunch with mine and he had a dinner with his at his mother's place which happens to be 30 minutes from where I live.  He suggested that he could come at my place to say hi after his dinner.  I said sure!!  I was looking forward to that, but at the same time, trying to stay cool since he could just cancel at the last minute.

But he did come!!  We were both happy about it. I showed him my place and we chatted for about 1.5 hour in the living room.  It was really a pleasant time.  Now I don't remember very well but I don't think we got closer at all, not even when he left.  That's when I wrote that post where I was wondering if he liked me too.

Well....

Not too long after that, he sent me a text message (again while driving!!) and I thought that he still liked me!! :)  When he was back at his place, we chatted again and I was just happy that everything was still fine between us.

The next day, we were exchanging text messages through the day while at work.  And I suggested that I could go see him at his place. He gladly accepted.  But as I would arrive there quite late (around 9PM), it was just wiser to stay there for sleep, wasn't it??

I was supposed to...

...write an update yesterday evening.  I had opened my blog window to start writing.  I also had found a nice picture.

But, my plans for the night changed as I was suddenly expecting a visit, so I had to clean a bit and get ready.

I had a great evening anyways, more to come soon I hope.

I wonder how he feels about me....

This is a really quick update I guess.

For the second evening in a row, I spent time with a guy (the same one both evenings).  We met on the dating site yesterday morning and got along pretty well, pretty fast!!

He left my house about an hour ago and I kinda miss him already.  I wonder if he feels the same. 

At least with this guy I managed to have a second date.  I think he does like me... but I can never be sure.

*sigh*

I'm kinda in the zone where I wonder if I did enough to make him keep his interest.

More to come later I guess!

I'm just normal

Like I said in the last post I was cheered up by my lil big gay bro when I was once again being too hard on myself fro very rapidly developping a crush on the guy I had skyped with.

He basically told me the story of another guy who had lived something similar in the past, but on a much slower pace LOL.  Like me, he had just intended to chat with a few guys. But, for one guy, things changed.  At first they were just writing to each other and he wanted to see him. The other was reluctant at first, but the guy convinced him that it was just chat and that it wouldn't go too far.  But, hearts have their own way as they say, and both guys began to care and think just a bit too much about the other one.

My friend explained to me that to get out of this situation, the guy focused on "real life" and try to meet guys for real and establish a connection with them.  He still talks to that other guy (if I remember correctly), but it is more distant.

My friend told me that it happens to many people and that I shouldn't feel like I'm crazy if it happens to me.  Just chill out and try to focus on guys closer to me. 

I feel like I am not giving many details, but it seems like the long discussion we had has quickly vanished from my memory, but I remember the essential.

But I want to reassure everyone. I do want to meet other guys for real and try to build something with them (friendship or long-term).  I just don't want to stop chatting with guys from all over the world because of that.  I just need to realize when things may be directed in a way that I don't want to go.  And I think that this is what I did, the problem is that I was pissed that it would happen for someone too far instead of someone closer.

Explaining the last post

Hey all!!  I feel dumb for not explaining the song choices from my earlier post, but I knew I would get to it.

Radioactive

If you remember I was set to have a tennis date with a cool guy I had been chatting with.  We had exchanged our phone numbers and at around 5PM one night, he sent a text to me, asking if I would like to have an ice cream later that night.  I remember doing a huge smile, as it was a total surprise, but also that someone was doing actually more than I was expecting from him, which doesn't really happen often (especially with dating).  I replied that I would like it and we scheduled our meeting.

I went there and he was waiting for me.  He had told me that he would go with his bike, which I thought was a cycling bike, but it turned out that it was a motorbike (hot !).  We both ordered a sundae and we went to eat it outside (finally the temperature is warming up it is very welcome!!)  We chatted for more than half an hour, eating our sundae.  I was attacked by a spider that had climbed up to my neck.  He was really freaked out and said it was a f**ing huge spider.  Well I was not afraid and it was really small (pumping chest LOL). I just brushed it off and he managed to find the courage to kill it (now that I'm thinking about it it was totally unnecessary! we were outside!)  Anyways, we were both finished and he wanted to do a ride because of the nice temperature so we went back to the parking. We small talked a bit and we confirmed the tennis date for the next Sunday.

Going back home, I was thinking if there is some potential with him and I thought yes, even if there were a few things that we didn't have common interests, but I thought we still needed to get to know each other more.  We continued chatting through the week and on Sunday I was looking forward to our tennis date.  Since the tennis court was in my town and actually near from home, I thought maybe we could happen to have to come to my house to maybe just chill out or something after the game.

My house was a total mess, so I started a huge house cleaning chore.  Like 3 or 4 hours.  It had been a really long time that my house was not as clean!!  By early afternoon, I was expecting him to text me to tell me he was coming over.  He had not yet so I sent him a text at 2.  He didn't reply and I was getting depressed again.  In the meantime, my mother came to do a quick visit and I was glad that I had done major cleaning or I would have had the mom speech!!

While she was there, he replied to me at around 2:30 and he said that he had just woke up because he had partied the night before.  I highly doubted that since I had seen he had been connected on the dating sites a few times during the day, but I was willing to think that maybe his phone was doing tricky things.  But if true, I was disappointed that he would not give that much importance to our date and allow himself to wake up too late for it.  He said that it was too late for the tennis game because he had a dinner coming soon.  But he said that maybe we could meet later that night and i told him to sent me a sign when that happens.

I told all that to my mom and she said he was not reliable and that I should forget about him.  Well, if he was going to send me a sign, I would have accepted to meet him. But..... he never did of course. He has never came back to me.

So, for the second time in a row, I couldn't go past a first date, been if I thought that things had not been bad.  I thought maybe these guys think I'm radioactive and they want to go as far as possible from me when they realize that.  I just don't understand why he continued to chat with me through the week and why he offered to meet later if he was clearly not interested...that's just stupid, lame and weak.  I've been told that for some guys (or girls also I suppose) it's just easier to not reply, rather than reply and say what they really think.  Well that sucks!!  If we have met I think there is a moral obligation to confirm that you are not interested anymore.... but I suppose that it's just me.

Too close

OK this is different than the usual stories I have shared so far.  I think it was last Sunday or Monday night I was in the chat room and just hanging in there.  Then I started to talk to one of the guys there that is a regular but that I had not really got to talk to a lot. (I don't remember how and who initiated the discussion)  At a certain point, he asks if I have already seen pics of him. I say no and he sends me some.  He's a really good looking guy, not the model-type, but he definitely has something special (he doesn't think he is hot but I think he is!!)  So we continue talking and at another point he asks me what I'm doing and I say I'm chatting there in the chat room and also on Skype.  He says you have Skype? I say yes! He asks me to add him and I do so cause I like to chat with people on Skype.  He asks if I want to have just voice or the cam too. I say that I don,t mind about the cam, but most people I chat with prefer only the voice.  He says he doesn,t care either so we end up video chatting for a bit.  I was actually very tired and I had suggested maybe another time but he insisted, so I said OK but not for too long.  So we start the video chat and I see that he is even nicer in action than on his pics LOL.  He has this gorgeous smile and really beautiful blue eyes. 

Now if you remember one of my posts from December when I was talking about that waiter from the reception room, you know that I am not one to notice or remember physical aspects (especially hair and eyes). I actually very very very rarely notice eyes.  But it happened that night.  They were just so beautiful LOL.  Anyways, we small talked for a bit and then I quit because I really had to go sleep.  I didn't think that anything special had happened and it was just a nice chat I had with this guy.

The next morning I woke up and I was thinking about him.  All day I thought about him.  When I realized that I was always seeing him in my head, I was pissed at myself.  Why do I have to "fall" for this guy I have been in contact with for like 30 minutes and not for guys who are closer and for whom something could be possible! (the skype guy is from somewhere down in the US).  Of course I was happy to experiment this feeling of thinking about this guy I liked, it was just not the good guy!!  So that's why I felt that I was "too close".  I can't just throw myself in wanting to have things go further with that guy.  He would actually have to be interested in me at first, but this is doubtful.  he told me that if we lived closer he would like to go have a coffee with me, but that is just politeness and I am aware that it doesn't mean anything.  And even if it did mean something....  the distance barrier is still there, so I better not get too close.

Luckily two days later I had a chat with my lil big gay bro and he got me feeling better about it. More to come!