Sunday, December 30, 2012

The best of 2012

In this end of year, I thought I would do a little review of what happened "blog-wise"!!

Most viewed post:  A survey, what do we like about men ?

Most comments in a single post: Beam me up

Most stupid comments convo: Beam me up

Countries with the most page views:  1- USA (hands down) , 2 -Canada, 3- Russia (really!?)

Origin site with the most visitors from:  2 boys in love  Thanks guys <3 !!

Most google search:  "gay construction worker" hahah!!  I'm not the only one liking them :)

My own best favorite post: Showing my true self for the first time
If you have not read it, I would encourage you to read it, as well as all those posts from the early days of my blog, if you want to know me better.

Thanks again to all my readers! You often make my day!!  Please come back often and comment!! I love having your feedback ( and I'm an attention whore, as all bloggers are!!)

See you in 2013!!


PS.  Here's a nice vid I found this morning, it made my day :)
PPS. I want the one on the right ;-)

Saturday, December 29, 2012

How to screw up your last chance with a guy in one simple lesson

Hey everyone!!

I've been delaying this post a bit, waiting to see if things would unfold differently than what I thought.

To explain what happened concernaing the waiter, I'll begin by saying that in the end my "my allies" couldn't help me, so I had to work things up by myself.

To recall the events, here is a transcript of a discussion I had last saturday in the chat room.  Sorry for the bad typing!!

MEI just called
HIMa n d?
HIMget a name?
MEnot even LOL
MEhear this
MESo I called a first time like 7 minutes ago
MEI say to the girl who answer: can i talk to a blond waiter I know he worked last saturday do you know if he,s working now
MEshe says:
MEOh I don,t know I'm at a calling center
MEI cannot transfer you because they,re business hours are closed
MEbut i can let them a message
MEI hesitated and I said no I'll call back
MESo I ended the call
MEI was kinda mad cause 10 minutes before it was during the business hours....
MEI thought fast
MEand decided to call back
MESo I called again
HIMget a different girl?
MEno the same girl
MEbut I told her that i wanted to left a message in the end
MESo I give my name (full name!!)
MEand my cell number
MEshe asks if there is another number just in case
MEso I give my house number as well!!!
HIMlol jf
HIMgetting brave!!!!!
MEShe asks if it was about a question...
MEi said no
MEI want to talk to the blond waiter
MEI dont know what she thought LOL
MESo she's supposed to land them the message.....
MEnow I must wait
MEbut i dont even know if he works tonight, but chances are high
MEi asked her if she knew the people working there and she said no
HIMso what will you say when he calls you
MEjust a calling center
MEnot that brave... I spent 15 minutes staing at my phone before aclling
when he calls I'll make sure its the right guy
MEIll try not to baffle too much
HIMand then say
HIMsaw you last week
HIMyou are really cute
HIMlike to gat a coffee somethign
MEwell first I'mm gonna ask him if he remembers me
MEthen when he will, I'll ask him if he'd like to have a drink with me sometime
HIMths does sound GOOD jf
HIMvery good infact
MEI wonder how the info will be transferred to him and if people will make fun of him though... a guy who asks for him....
HIMthat will tell you somethign also
HIMif he calles after that - after people joking
HIMit will say that he actually MIGHT be gay and willing to meet somoene
MEyes of course
HIMand that would be a GOOD thing
MEthe worst thing is that I would never hear from him again
MEwhich would not be so bad after all
HIMwell, that would also be a message
MEwell now I must wait
MEdifferent kind of nervousness
HIMbe certain to let us KNOW
MEwhere my cellphone? need to find it!
MEI just hope my memory is good and that he,s really blond!!!
HIMha ha ha
HIMfingers crossed
MEkinda sad about the wole call center thing tho....
MEnot very romantic
HIMyes - but it DOES show that you are determined
MEit would have been much less complicated if I had realized last saturday that I needed to talk to him THEN
HIMI bet you will never miss another opportunity like that again!!!!!
MEI hope I can learn from that!

So yeah, I did call.... I stared at my phone a long time before calling, but when I did it, I was decided and confident, which was a good thing.  However, I couldn't talk to him directly, which was a bummer.  I then had to wait!!  But, a few minutes after that chat, I was chatting with Vickie on facebook.  I had not told her yet that I had called the waiter and she told me that he was brown haired !!!!

Here's my reaction:

Me: Fuck!
Me: Fuck Fuck!!!!!
Vickie: Don't worry you'll just have to do the same dirty dreams with a brown haired guy instead of a blond haired guy
Me: No!! I called and let a message to the blond waiter....  Fuck.....
Vickie:  LOL!!!!  Oh no!!!!!!
Me: You really sure he has brown hair?
Vickie: sure at 98%
Me:  Fuckkkkk!!! I'm done... he'll never call me back now
Vickie: Yeah he porbably won't feel concerned about the call.
Me: I piss me off... I'm so stupid
Vickie: Ohhh I laugh so much I'm crying its crazy!!!
Me; LOL you piss me off... but at least I laugh too.
Vickie: Ahhh you've made my day!!!
Me: I knew I was not good noticing people's hair color... but this is worst than I could have imagined.
Vickie: You really are not talented at this!!
Me: Fuck... LOL

That's how I screwed my chance with the waiter...  as you can imagine, 7 days later, he has not called back!!  I'm pissed off at myself, but I don't take it too bad. I can even laugh about it, which is a good sign.  

What I have learned from this is to take the opportunity when it arises (not wait later to come back or call back) and also to really observe the physical caracteristics of a guy I want to date cause it can become really handy !! 

It will be hard for me to take the opportunity when it arises, because I have simply never done that.  But at least now know what to work on!!!  And I have some friends who are willing to help me :)

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas!!!

(pic found on

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a lot of fun time

Have fun, get together with the people you love and enjoy!!  Eat a lot (mandatory at this period of time) and for those who can... eat a lot  :-p  (thinking of my friends Matt and Brad here LOL)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

What do I like about men ? They're sexy!!

I also find more "regular" guys sexy :)

It's finally my turn to tell what I like about men!!

Where to start !??

First, I'd like to say that I can be attracted to a lot of types of men.  I'm not really specific in terms of height, hair color, scruffiness, apparent masculinity/feminity....  There are many ways for me to think a man is sexy.  Notice that I said sexy, not beautiful.  I know some guys that are beautiful but I don't find sexy and vice versa.  I really prefer the sexy ones even if they're not really beautiful :)

I guess that's one thing I like about men: that there are so many ways for them to look sexy.  There are girls that I think look sexy, but they are rare. 

But how could I define "sexy" ??  I guess in the end, it means that it would be fun time in bed with the guy LOL.  But I don't like guys (or girls) who look slutty.  There's a big difference for me between sexy and slutty.  Slotty to me is like a fake behavior, something forced, an act.  Sexy is natural for me.  If I compare guys and girls, ( please girls, don't shoot me for what I'm about to say), I'd say that there are more girls who look slutty.  It often seems to me that girls put an act to be sexy or attractive and it's a big turn off for me.  It's a turn off too when guys do it, but it seems much less frequent to me. 

So I like how naturally men are sexy.  They can wear an old pair of jeans and a white t-shirt and bingo!  They can only be wearing a pair of shorts and a baseball cap and bingo!  It seems so more complicated for a girl to look sexy... but I may be biased LMAO

I like how sometimes I only see a guy's face pic and he's OK.  Then I see him move in real life and suddenly he becomes so sexy.

I like how a guy can seem OK , but then I see him naked (thanks internet) and woof!!!

If I look at a man, what do I like about his physical traits??  Now that I'm thinking about it... I'd say everything hahahaha!!!  I like a guy's shoulders, back, arms, armpits, hands, chest, belly, thighs, legs, face, eyes, lips, plumbing area and of course butt!!  I like a guy to be hairy or not, but I prefer hairy.  I like muscle or not, but not too much.

I like masculine guys, but I like more "feminine" guys too.  For me it is not a criteria to find them sexy.  Like the waiter I'm trying to get to know.  He looks ever so slightly feminine and the way he walks doesn't look very masculine.  But I still think the way he walks is sexy (I still remember him walking!! Aww so sexy!)

Oh the voice too....  you know when a guy gets his voice to be a little lower... so naughty :)  There's something in a guy's voice that girls don't have.  But girls have something in their voice that guys don't have, so we're equal on this one :)

On the psycological aspect, I like how men seem more simple than women.  I "get" men more.  How often do I hear or see a woman and shake my head in disbelief at what she says or does??  That almost never happens for me with men.

I also like how a man reacts when he's being "pleasured" :) It's like nothing else exists than what he's receiving.... (thanks again to the internet :)

I like how men are simply men.  I think they're more likely to be who they are and show their "stupidest" side. I think men are more playful than women and allow themselves more to just chill out and enjoy.

You see that I don't elaborate a lot about the psychological traits of men, that's because I've never been intimate with a man.  Hopefully, that will change sooner than later :)

I think you get the picture now!!  Sexy, natural, playful, man's parts.....  men!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012


Monday morning and work came really fast after the weekend!!  Right after the morning break ended, it happened that I was alone with Vickie and Candy in the cafeteria.  Candy asked me if I left late from the party and I said that I was the last one to go.  She then asked if I had the waiter's number but I said no.  Then , Vickie shouted:  "Hey I saw you smiling at him!!!"  

That really surprised me!!  I didn't know if she really saw me or was joking on me.  I began to seriously blush!  Luckily we all had to go back to work, so I said that I would get to explain what happened later.  Both Candy and Vickie said that the waiter was really beautiful!!

I was kinda smiling nervously and happily about being busted like that.  I didn't really know then if I liked it or not!! (the truth is surprisingly : yes I like it !!)  I couldn't resist and went to see Vickie to know if she was lying or not.  She told me that when I was calling my lift, she was following the waiter when I smiled at him.  Oh man!!! I was really busted!!

I told her: " Oh you must have been peeing in your pants from seeing me do that!!!"  Fun times!  I told her how I wanted to talk to him while waiting for my lift, but that my plan was cut short when I was invited outside...

Later in the afternoon, I sent Candy an email, asking her 2 questions.
1- Do you think he's gay?
2- Do you think I still have a chance if we didn't even talk on Saturday?

She answered me rapidly.
1- Yes, at 99.5%!
2- It's not over!!  You just need to find a way to get to see him again.  (she described a few of her ideas)  You'll have to get over your fears!!!  Welcome in the world of love and dating!! Go ahead, we only have one life to live.  And at the worst, he'll say he's not gay.  So there is nothing to lose.  He is really beautiful.  If I was gay I would think he is really beautiful!!

That last sentence made me laugh a lot!!  It's not as if she didn't think he was beautiful even if she's a straight girl!

After that, she sent me another email.  She said:
"Hey, I got to talk a lot with the DJ  that was there at the party. He had told me that he worked often there.  He also gave me his name so I could reach him on Facebook.  So I have an idea.  I will write to him about the night and then ask a bit about the waiter.  Like what's his name? Is he gay?  I'll tell him that I have a colleague who likes him.  We'll see what he says and then who knows??"

I think that it is actually a good idea, because it should allow me to know his name, at the least.  That would make it a lot easier to try to contact him.  And if I get to know more than that and , who knows??, that he plays Cupid with us, it would be a great bonus.

Once again, I surprise myself at how easy going I am about talking about that to someone.  I'm pretty sure Candy is very surprised too, cause I have always been very shy about my personal life in the past and I was always nervous when asked or talked about dating.  But now it's the opposite!! I welcome every idea she has for me and I don't try to hide anything!!

Candy finally wrote the DJ today, so I expect he will answer to her really soon :))  Before the weekend, hopefully!  In the meantime, I try to remember how the waiter looks :)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Events not unfolding the way I wished

I did return at the store on wednesday to get my pants.  Prospect #1 was not there, but prospect #2 (who really isn't a prospect anymore !) was there.  He took care of getting my clothes.  Unfortunately, he really didn't seem to be in a good mood.  I don't remember seeing him smile once, which was a huge contrast from the day before!

I was hoping to have an opportunity to let know I'm gay at work, but I didn't see any.  So I wound up going to our Christmas party yesterday thinking that I could let it slip out of my mouth!

I had a nice evening yesterday!  Everyone was in a good mood and I got to spend energy on the dance floor!  At the beginning of the party, a colleague asked me what kind of girls I preferred, making reference to the types of beers.  Since I had a Smirnoff ice in my hand, she asked if I liked russians.  Jack and Jess were there too and were playing it low-key.  Her question took me by surprise and I didn't really answer anything.  Jess told her that it was really hard getting informations from me!  Later in the night, I was dancing with the girlfriend of one of my colleagues and he came to see me jokingly saying that he was looking for the day I had a girlfriend so I could let his girlfriend to him!  Really, it doesn't come naturally to just say "Don't worry I'm gay".  Once again, I didn't reveal it.

That's a bit of a bummer, cause I would have liked to have some progress done yesterday.  Also I'm sure these persons who asked would have no problem at all with me being gay.  Also, I realize that it is harder than I thought to have the behavior I want, which is to not hide I'm gay if someone asks about my personal life :(  I think it's that last point that bothers me the most.

But I won't get too hard on myself, because I know that's what you're going to tell me :)  I know that I will make the steps someday and that I need to be patient.

Anyways, during dinner, Candy came to see me and told me that I should watch the only male waiter.  I had seen him earlier during the evening, but he didn't catch my eyes.  When I could see him, I looked at him and the more I was seeing him, the more I thought he was sexy.  And somehow I thought he might be gay. It was probably Candy's influence because she's always looking for gay people!! So I guess it helped me.  During the evening, I got to catch his eyes a few times but without really doing anything else.  Then at the end of the night, I saw him walking and (I don't like to say this) the way he was walking was a bit effeminate.  That doesn't change anything about the attraction I could have for him, it's just that it made me think that really he could be gay....  It's so stereotypical and I don't like thinking like that.  But, I keep complaining about how hard it is to know if a guy is gay, so I guess I have to take the signs I receive...  He may not be gay, but he may very well be as well!

After that I got to see him more, because he was doing more cleaning in the dining room and going back and forth to the kitchen.  Also, there were a lot less people in the way cause many were already gone.  I was a little more "agressive" with him, as I smiled to him a few times when our eyes met.  (WOW!! talk about agressivity!!)  I'm not even sure how he reacted but I think he smiled a bit.

It ended up that we were only 3 people left and the 2 others from me were leaving. I was waiting for my lift to come get me and I said bye to the other 2 as they left.  I thought that maybe I was going to be lucky after all!!  I thought that I would stay inside and try to get to chat with the waiter.  But, it was not to be!  Not too long after that, one of the 2 who had left came in and said "Hey JF come outside we're waiting for you beside the fire!!"  I couldn't really say no, cause they're good guys and also they were there to keep me company while waiting for my lift!!  So outside I went and I didn't see the waiter anymore...

We had a nice time beside the fire for about 15 minutes before my lift arrived and then it was the end of our evening.

This morning I've been thinking about this guy and looking back, I should have tried to chat with him a bit earlier.  Nothing too dense of a conversation, just some really small talk to get things going....  I always think about that when it's too late!!

I'd like to get to talk to him...  I have to remember that I have nothing to lose if I get to talk to him somehow.  I don't know, I could call at the reception room and aks for him.  Hopefully there is really only 1 male waiter working there.  But, I'm pretty sure he's the son of the barmaid we had cause I heard him calling her "mom".  So that could help me to direct my call :)

And a last thing, I had noticed that he had a nice earring. This morning I tried to remember about it (and his general appearance) and I'm pretty sure he had only one on his right ear.  I thought that it may have a meaning and I looked on the internet .Apparently, most people say it means gay, even if there is no consensus.  Also, it was supposedly more used in the 80s than now, as it seems people put anything on their ears now, whatever their orientation may be.  So, I suppose I can't really get anything reliable about it, but it's an additional clue leading towards him being gay.

Actually, the real question is if I will try to talk to him!!!  I really hope the answer will be yes.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Shopping for a man. Parts 4 and 4b!!

You all thought that was all over , right??!?  Ha ha me too!!

Just kidding!!  After the 3rd part of this "series", I just wanted not to stress about it and just let things flow for a while.  That was until I decided that I wanted to buy a new pair of pants for the upcoming Christmas party.  And of course, I had to go back to the same store!  So I went back last Saturday.  Prospect number 1 was there... but of course he wasn't the one who helped me. (Prospect #2 was not there, for the record).  So it's another salesman helped me.  He was nice, but not as charming as the other 2 :)  But, I have to give him that he has the nicest butt of all the salesmen from that store!!!  LOL  (I really do have an obsession fo butts!!)

I did find a model that I liked, except they didn't have it in my size.  Luckily, there was one availabe in another store, so they ordered it for me so I could get it today.

I went to the store after work tonight.  There was one girl and Prospect #2.  I went to see the girl, cause Prospect #2 was busy with customers.  So I tell her that I'm coming to get my pants. She asks what is my name and....  prospect #2 yells my name!  I smiled to him.

It turns out that they had not received my pants yet.  It will be tomorrow only.  So I leave the store and Prospect #2 tells me good bye!  I wish him a goodbye too!  After that I go eat in the restaurant area of the mall, kinda hoping that he would surprisingly appear and say hi!!  I know he has a girlfriend, so I'm not looking to seduce him.  I'm mostly curious to know how come does he remember my name ??  Why is he so friendly with me?

Anyways, he didn't surprisingly come by, so after I finished eating, I left and went to the grocery store.

As I entered, who do I see at the cashier??? Prospect #1!!!  I can't believe he's there but almost leaving!!  So I rapidly get all I need and go pay it.  I hoped that maybe he had seen me (very probable that he didn't, though) and had decided to wait for me to chat outside.  Once I go out of the store, I look around, but he's not there.....  I can't believe that if I had arrived 5 minutes earlier, I could have met him in the alleys of the store and maybe have the guts to talk to him....  What a bummer :(

Anyways, I will go back to the store tomorrow to get my pants.  I may also go back to the same grocery store next Tuesday, in case prospect #1 always does his grocery at the same day and time :)

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Stripping for my man

I was listening to this song on the radio this afternoon and I just felt like stripping for my man.  I have not found my man, of course.  He doesn't know what he's missing :)

Selena Gomez and The Scene - I love you like a love song

The clip doesn't portray what I had in mind when I was listening to it on the radio.  I guess there's a continuity to be found from the "Beam me up" post hahaha!!!

If you also feel like stripping for your man (or woman!) on that song, I invite you to do it and then tell me how it went :)

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The hen has lost her teeth

Hey everyone!!  Sorry for the lack of posts lately.  It's not that I didn't have anything to say... I just didn't have these windows of time to write something coherent.

For a long time, I have wished that I would be totally out at work before our Christmas party that will be on December 15th.  But before letting it out, I needed to tell one last person.  It's the girl I have already talked about who focuses so much on gays.  She's also the girl who wanted me to date the girl from work last year.  You may wonder why I wanted to tell her in private.  It's because we have lots of fun together.  We share the same humour and we like to do pranks together.

I had imagined a few lines to come out to her.  I wanted to make her feel in discomfort before telling her, because she likes to do that to other people. She has certainly done that to me in the past!

The previous girl (lets call her Vickie) I had come out to at told me that this girl (let's call her Candy) wouldn't stop telling her how of a great couple we would be together Vickie and I.  So I decided to play with that.

During the morning, I went to see Vickie and told her that I would like to come out to Candy during lunchbreak.  She said : "Please do it!!  She harasses me since the day you came out to me because she knows we went for lunch together and she wants to know but I swear I didn't tell her."  Strangely, instead of scaring me, it really pumped me more to do it.  I talked to her about my plan and she agreed it would be nice.

When lunchtime came, Candy asked Vickie if she wanted to go take a walk (as they always do). Vickie said she had stuff to do (how well did she play that along!!) and I said that I would go with her.

So we go outside walking, we talk a bit about the upcoming party etc...  Then I say:  "So, it seems you've been harassing Vickie to jump over me!!"  Unfortunately, she was not in discomfort as I would have wished.  She simply started talking about the fact that we had went for lunch together and that we shared a big secret and she seems jealous of Vickie....  So I told her: "Do you want to know or not what is going on??"  She replied something like you can be together if you want and was talking about that. I was not really listening to her.  But I was not feeling bad even if I knew that I was going to tell her very soon.  It was actually the first time that I didn't notice my heart beating faster before coming out.  She continues to talk and I say: "No, I'm gay".  She says: "OK... really?... OK... really?"  I could smell a slight confusion!!

She said that she was really fine with it and wanted me to be happy.  Than she beat me at the line and said: "So, we'll always go shopping together!!!"  And I said "Oh no!! I really wanted to tell you the opposite before you told me that!!"  It was funny!

She talked to me how the "gay world" could be cruel and that she hoped I would not get emotionnally hurt.  I'd say I'm not sure it is the best thing to tell to a guy who has come out to you, but it was really heartfelt and I could feel that she cared for me so it's fine.  We talked about lots of stuff and it was again, lots of fun.  She said that now she would know what kind of person to try to match with me!!

When I went back in my office, I wrote an email to tell my boss that I had told Candy.  When I had come out to him, he had told me that he would like to know when I tell her, because he knew she could be jealous.  So I did as he asked (he's my boss, right!?!? ), but I did it by sending this e-mail:

Object:  The hen has lost her teeth
Message: But she's still smiling

When he read it, he came over to see me and was like "What the fuck with the hen!?!?"  Hahaha.  I said that I had told him like he wanted to.  He was still confused.  I added: "About Candy".  A few more seconds of hesitation, then the enlightment!!  He said that the email was really far fetched!!  I agreed, but it was just so much fun!!

Now, will I make sure that everyone knows I'm gay before the party??  I would really like to, because I want to see how everyone will be with me.  But I have a small timeframe...  The next few days will be interesting!!