Thursday, September 6, 2012
The last few months have seen their share of "opening up" from me. I used to be a very discrete guy, showing when happy, but keeping the bad stuff inside.
I'm still discrete, but on some occasions, I try to open up more. Of course, coming out is a huge opening up "activity". But it seems that once the wheel has started to roll, it doesn't stop so easily. And a consequence of opening up is dealing with emotions. They seem to come up whenever they want and don't want to stay inside. I've had a few episodes like that lately, namely this morning. I was driving to get to work when suddenly I had difficulty to contain my tears. Then, when someone asked me how I was going at work, I almost blew right there. That's certainly new to me. I remember reading some blogs when guys were saying that they were becoming emotional messes when they were in the process of coming out. To some extent, I know what they meant.
But, that's not enough for me to stop opening up. It feels so good to open up and to share bits of my life with friends or family. Lately, I spent an hour or so crying on the phone to my cousin Sandy, I spent 2 hours talking of personal stuff with my friend Jack and I also got to talk with a lot of honesty without any discomfort to some fellow bloggers. These experiences were all very positive and new to me.
I don't seem to care anymore to hide my emotions. My emotions are what they are and I have no problem showing them (in appropriate situations). So the wheel is turning: more opening up, more emotions, more opening up etc... I think its a good thing. I'm definitely changing for the best. That's a huge pro for coming out. It loosens that intimacy I've been overprotecting for so long. I will never be the most extraverted guy and there are still a lot of things that I won't share with most people around me. But, at least, my friends and family will get to see a better version of me.