Monday, September 10, 2012

I choked

For a couple of weeks I've been trying to come out to my friend Jessica.

Either I couldn't reach her, either she didn't seem in a good mood, either she was not alone...

Yesterday, I went again to see her, but I didn't make it to her door... I choked, I found a lot of reasons to delay the moment and that's it...

It's really not getting easier.  Also the thing is that once I tell her, I'll be close to coming out at work (she and her boyfriend work with me)...  that will certainly be big.

But in the meaantime, I choked.

I think I'll have to change my strategy and invite her at my place.   It's not in my habit to do so, but I guess the appeal of a good glass of wine will erase her doubts.


  1. Are you ready to come out at work? If you have doubts, that could be a subconscious reason to stall in telling your friend.

    Either way, you'll get there. From your posts, I'd say you tend to be hard on yourself. (I get that - I'm pretty hard on myself too.) But look at how much you've already accomplished - coming out to those closest to you, creating this blog, making supportive contacts. You're not "choking" - you're moving in a very positive direction (just be patient with yourself).

  2. i also have not come out and don't know what to say . i 2nd what ann marie said . huggs and love

  3. Are you possibly pushing yourself too hard with this one?

    I really like everything Ann Marie said.

  4. Hi guys, thanks for the support. Hmmm I don't know?? Am I really hard on myself?? I think I'm lucid... But maybe you're right?

    Also, I'm here to share all kinds of stuff that go through my head because I want to give an accurate picture of what it is to go through all this. So I don't censor much.

    I do think I'm ready enough to come out at work. You're never 100% ready to do that. But we have to accept to be ready enough and go for it. If it was not of that, I would still be totally closeted. But yes I think it can stall me from telling my friend. But I have to go forward (isn't it the name of my blog after all??!!)

    This blog and all what surrounds it are definitely something positive in my life and I'm really happy to have the positive feedback that I receive. Thank you.

    1. Hi JF,

      Your writing IS lucid..... and honest and beautiful.

      My intention in writing the first comment was simply to offer support. I never meant to suggest that you weren't ready to come out at work, etc. I hope I didn't say anything to offend you.

      See, I'm a good example of someone who is "too hard on herself". I can't just post a comment - I also have to *worry* about the comment. ;)

    2. Don'tworry, I'm really not offended :)

  5. Hey JF, take your time. I think you're being too hard on yourself. It's ok, there's no coming out deadline to meet.