Monday, March 11, 2013

That day at the clinic

Hey everyone

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, much has been going on and I didn't have the heart to sit and write.  I still have a lot to talk about!!!

So I wanted to go back through last Thursday when I learned that Flyman was clean.

Quite frankly, in the days before the D-Day, everything felt really normal.  I didn't feel any more pressure or stress than usual.  I do think that I was confident that I was gonna be ok.  I think that the support I got from my readers, as well as from my friends in the chat room and also from my boss really helped me.  As you can see, I had not told anyone from my family or friends about it.  I just didn't want to scare them for nothing. 

My boss knew cause he had seen something was going wrong with me and he made me confident enough to tell him everything.  His support was really a key to my comfort because ....  I don't really know why.  It was just awesome to know that he supported me and respected me through it all. Sometimes he acts like a father with me and it was definitely a good thing for me during that period of my life. 

So I left work at 11 and went at Flyman's place.  I was seeing him for the first time in 3 weeks and it didn't feel as awkward as i would have thought.  I ate a bit there and by noon we were leaving for Montreal.  The road went well, we kinda caught back on what happened in our lives.  We were not that chatty.  For my part it was not because of stress.  Maybe a little discomfort, but really slight.  He was confident too that he was clean.

We arrived at the clinic around 1:30.  Less than 30 minutes later the doctor greeted us and we both went together, even if we had our appointments separately.  At one point he asked for how long we had been together.  I told him that we were not anymore.  It shocked him.  He said that usually, exes don't go in the doctors office together.  We told that we were both comfortable with it. 

So Flyman had his exam and then he had to leave to fill a form and have a small sample of blood taken for the quick HIV test, (which was THE most important thing for the day since it had been just over 2 months since his unprotected relation with another guy).  In the meantime, I was to be examined by the doctor as well.  I told him I was surprised that it seemed so rare that 2 guys who were not together anymore would come together at the doctor.  He asked me why we weren't together anymore and I told him that it just didn't click enough.

He took a blood sample from me as a follow up to the treatment I had followed.  He told me that I should as well take the quick test so I said OK.  After that was done, I left as well to fill a form and give a small blood sample for the quick test.  When I gave my form to the receptionist, she told me I had to wait 30 minutes.  So I told Flyman that we had to wait 30 minutes before giving our blood sample and then 30 minutes before getting the results.  So we sat in the waiting room and started playing a game on his phone.

After a bit more than 20 minutes, the doctor called me to go in his office.  I was really surprised and didn't understand what was going on.  So I went with him.  In his office, he told me that the test was negative and that he was confident that even if my unprotected act was less than 2 months ago, I would have good results.  I was REALLY confused.  I told him that I had not given my sample yet.  He said that the laboratory probably took a sample from the blood sample I took that was meant to evaluate the treatment.  So he told me to continue being safe and he wished me luck.. i thanked hi and I left, still baffled by what had just happened.

As I was going back tothe waiting room, I realized that Flyman had not received his results yet.  That had to mean something bad.  He had given his blood before me so his results should have come up before mine!  I became worried that it meant that the doctor chose to tell him after me because his results were positive.

As I sat, the doctor called him and he went with him.  That's where I became really nervous!  I was thinking: "Please come out soon, please come out soon", as the longest it took, the more probable he would receive some bad news.

Happily, he came back maybe less than a minute later, all smiles.  He said that he was clean!  I was relieved!

We left the clinic and I was kinda shocked.  Flyman asked me if I was relieved.  I told him that I didn't know how I was feeling.  I promptly sent my boss a message that was only a smiling smiley (  :)  ). 

We got out of the building and I was still in shock.  Like I said in my previous post, I think that my brain didn't know how to process everything.  It happened really fast and we got the results when we thought we had not even given blood samples for the quick test.

So I brought him back to his place.  We chatted a bit and I told him how surprised I was that the doctor told him after me that he was clean.  If I had been the doctor, I would have told him in the first place to avoid the other guy (me) being so worried.  I was that shocked that I took the wrong road (was heading for my town instead of his).

I left Flyman and we said that we should meet someday soon.  I went back at my place and at around 5 I was back home.  It had been quite a day!

I ate, wrote my post, went into the chat room to tell my friends I was OK.  Then I went at the LGBT meeting.  After the meeting, I chatted a bit with the leader I had talked to about my problems 3 weeks before ( I believe I wrote about it). 

As I explained in my last post, I'm surprised that I didn't have strong emotions about everything.  Even now, after a great weekend, it almost seems like all that was a dream.  I'm not sure what to think about it...  I don't understand my emotions or lack of them... 

I mean, I'm not going all crazy about it and I'm still doing very fine!  But I just don't get it!!

1 comment:

  1. As I explained in my last post, I'm surprised that I didn't have strong emotions about everything. Even now, after a great weekend, it almost seems like all that was a dream. I'm not sure what to think about it... I don't understand my emotions or lack of them...

    Emotions are funny like that. Sometimes, something you think should have some huge emotional impact ends up creating barely a ripple. Other times, something that seems like it'll be no big deal creates tsunami-like feelings.

    The important thing is that you allow your emotions to come, no matter whether they're understated or epic.

    See also: There is no "one right way to feel." Ever.