One of the guys that I met and that I have yet to blog about.... he told me this Saturday that he found life to be really hard. He told me all that was making him go nuts. He said that he would be much more at peace once dead. I was shocked and sad by what he said and I told him to not consider suicide. He said he was not serious about it but I am still scared. The next morning, I texted him:
"We all have our demons. Even me. We just need to find a way to neutralize them"
He replied a Thank you.
Later that day he told me he was feeling better, but I know that he has not neutralized his demons. I want to help him with that and I hope he will let me do it.
Prior to that, in the afternoon, I learned that a brilliant young guy I know, only 18, commited suicide.
I am totally baffled and shocked by this news. By the fact that this guy took the lucid decision that the best thing to do for him was to end his life.
It's..... I don't even know what word to use.
I'm an optimistic guy, even if I have some hard times... and hearing my friend talk about that on Saturday and learning about this other guy doing it..... I can't imagine what their state of mind can be.
This morning, after talking to a few other friends of this guy and also his brother who is totally shattered by his loss, I can't help thinking that it is such a selfish gesture. His brother is traumatized for life, his boyfriend will probably be too. His loving mother, his caring friends..... I chatted with one guy who said that he was his best friend. Everyone can't stop crying....
It's horrible.
The worst part is that he had many people he could have talked to. He was not alone. Maybe he thought he was but he wasn't. So many people could have helped him.
I'm just so sad.....
I'm an optimistic guy, even if I have some hard times... and hearing my friend talk about that on Saturday and learning about this other guy doing it..... I can't imagine what their state of mind can be.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing they are (or were) both clinically depressed. That kind of depression is a horrible monster and difficult to live with.
The worst part is that he had many people he could have talked to....So many people could have helped him.
Not necessarily. Sometimes, talking isn't enough. Again, that kind of depression can be powerful and ugly. It can separate you from even the most well-meaning and helpful people. (Depression will whisper in your ear and say, "See? These people are trying to help you and you're putting them through all of this. You don't deserve their friendship. You'd be doing them a favor if you weren't around, bringing them down.")
I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the problem with suicide is that is never actually a lucid decision. There's nothing logical about taking your own life. Sometimes I believe it just feels like there's no other way out and it's a way for the pain to end, but it's never the right decision. My heart breaks for you, the rest of his friends and family. I hope he's finally at peace.
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