Sunday, August 26, 2012
Where are the pink unicorns when we need them?
I have to admit that my life before coming out and my coming outs themselves were pretty trouble-free. My sexual orientation has never (in my memory) made me feel really bad about myself.
What has troubled me the most in the past and what is really troubling me now, is interpersonal relationships. In the recent months, I have begun to notice that I think differently from about everyone around me. It was troubling me, but not to a point to almost have a break-down. But now I think I'm on a verge of a break-down.
It is not related to my sexual orientation, but it has been caused by talking to my friends after coming out to them. To make a long story short, I already knew that I was thinking differently from my friends, but it slapped me in the face yesterday night: They don't understand what I do and I don't understand their reactions to what I do. Since yesterday night, I feel disoriented and very emotionnally fragile.
I have never felt this way when I was dealing to accept my homosexuality or when I prepared to come out. So, somehow, it is tougher now.
So if I can give any advice to people who are preparing to come out:
- Even if your friends are OK with your orientation, it can still cause conflicts.
- Sometimes the people with who you think it will be easier, they end up being the ones with whom it is tougher. Don't take anything for granted.
- Expect the unexpected. Your friends may also have hidden things from you in the past that could change your friendship.
- Even if you do something that seems really logical to you, some people may not get what you're doing or going through.
- It is possible that you won't understand your friend's reaction. Be prepared for that.
- People may think that you've betrayed them by hiding your orientation to them. Some people are so ok with homosexuality that they don't realize that it is still a hard thing to accept and to tell them.
- You may feel totally disoriented.
That's where I'm at right now, but it seems like I can't resolve the problem with anyone because it is not specifically related to anyone. So I'm waiting.... waiting for time to heal me or to give me the key to successful interpersonal relationships.