Wednesday, August 1, 2012

My second and third coming outs


I have not yet told the story of how I came out to my brother and sister, so here it is.  It happened in may/june , after I had decided to stop my visits to the sex counselor.  I was OK with being gay, but somewhat bisexual and I didn't need to stop myself from coming out anymore.

The first opportunity came with my brother, a night that he had to come over at my house.  I wanted to use that opportunity, but I was unexpectedly rushed because he told me that his girlfriend was waiting for him at the grocery store.  So I managed to keep him a bit longer and it was awkward because I was trying to tell him that I had been through rough times, trying to make him understand that what he was living was not too bad.  So I was a bit too mysterious and I had to spill it out.  Once it was too awkward I said:  "I have something to tell you.......  I'm gay."

Of course he was surprised, but he immediately tried to get to know more about it.  So we got to talk a bit, but not for too long, because his girlfriend kept texting him to go get her!!  But it was great to talk about it to him, because I was much more comfortable than with my parents.  I was actually pretty much smiling the whole time.  It's also a bit easier for me to talk about a lot of things to my siblings than my parents, so all in all, it was a good experience.

A few weeks later, I had not had an opportunity with my sister.  So I decided to dive and sent her an email explaining that I wanted her to come see me that night.  She rapidly responded basically saying what's going on ??  I couldn't tell her and she didn't want to come over because she had too much work.  In the end she told me that the next night she would be available after work.  It was kind of a bummer, because I had spinned the wheel and I would have to keep it spinning for 24 hours more than expected.

So we meet the next day after work at my house.  After some small talk, we go to the living room and she asks: "So what is your big mystery ??"  I didn't want to make it as awkward as with my brother, so I said:  " I want to go straight to the point so (small pause)(*) I'm gay."  The (*) marks the brief moment where she wanted to say something, but before she could I had finished my sentence.  She said: "OK" with a very bizarre face (you know when the head steps back a bit and the eyes grow wider...).  She told me that there was no problem, that shew knew 2 girls who were lesbian.  I talked a bit about how it had went with my parents.  I told her that I was really stressed before doing so and she said " Come on, it's accepeted now...You shouldn't have been so stressed."  Well , that's easier said than done !!

I told her that I wanted a boyfriend eventually and she told me that with the summer upon us, it was a good time to find one.  I replied that I was not ready yet, but it was cool to see that she was ready for that.

Our discussion didn't last long, because she had a dinner with her boyfriend and some friends. But all in all I think it's OK that we didn't talk about it a lot because I wanted to get over it and change my mind a bit after that.

So things were pretty cool with both my brother and sister and I couldn't complain.  The next step for me was to tell my cousin Sandy, but I have already recalled these events.

I love to read what you have to say so please don't be shy!


  1. Come on, it's accepeted now...You shouldn't have been so stressed.

    Not by everyone.....many people still get bad reactions to coming out.

    Plus, it can be stressful even when you intellectually know that the person will be accepting. I have a friend whose parents were extremely liberal and had gay and lesbian people (and couples) over dinner all through her childhood. And yet, when she came out to them, she found it nerve-wracking. That's just a normal emotional reaction. Emotions tend to be irrational at times. It's why we call them "feelings" rather than "logics." ;)

    As always, I'm glad to see that your fears did prove unnecessary in the end.

  2. I totally agree with you Colorful. Thanks for expressing what I was too lazy to think of!!

    I don't hold it against my sister, she said it without really thinking through it, I'm sure she understands.

  3. I was just outed to my mother and brother. I grew up Baptist, so they think I'm living in sin. It may be more accepted today, but for Christians and Mormons and such, it's no walk in the park :-(

    1. Johnny, I hope things will get better for you. I'm lucky to live in en environment in which homosexualiy is rarely perceived as a sin. Yes there is various forms of homophobia that I see every now and then, but it's mostly from people who need to bring people down (wheter they're gay, fat, black or whatever).

      Maybe you can take a look at Jack Scott's blog, it is in my blog list. He has a lot of interesting things to say about religion and homosexuality.

      Be strong!