Friday, November 16, 2012

Shopping for a man, Part 2

I had an excellent plan!!

I realized late Saturday night that there was a mistake on my invoice for the items I had purchased at the store.  I had paid more than I should have.  So, that was the perfect excuse for me to go back to the store and get to talk to my maybe-interested-in-me-salesman.

I wanted to get to see him when there would be not too many people in the store.  So I thought that on lunchtime would be a good time.  Of course, I had no idea of his schedule, so it was a guessing game.

Monday, I made sure to bring the invoice with me at work so I could get to the mall on lunchtime.  I went to the store, but he was not there.

Tuesday, same story.

Wednesday, I went back with the invoice in my pocket again.  He was there.  And there was only another saleswoman with him and there was no other customer.  Surprisingly, I went without hesitation.  I entered in the store and the girl welcomed me, while the guy didn't have any particular reaction.  I went to talk to the guy and explain him that there was a mistake on my invoice.  So we looked together at the 4 items in question and we looked at them around the store to make sure that I was not wrong.  Unfortunately, he wasn't as chatty as the other day and didn't really seem to have any interest in me.  In the end, I was right about the error on the invoice, so the made me a credit note and got the reimbursment on my credit card.   I had to sign my name and write my phone number on the store's copy for their files.  I thought about a few lines, but didn't say anything.  I was not nervous, I was just unable to do the next step...

After the transaction was done, I told him that I would have to come back to purchase a scarf to go with my new coat.  He said that he receives new clothes every wednesdays, so its probably the best day to come.  It was said in a serious manner.  It was time for me to go or to dive....  I simply thanked him, calling him by his name.  He remembered my name with a bit of hesitation.  We shook hands and all the while of this little departure chat, I was looking directly in his eyes, trying to catch something, or at least show that I'm interested.  I didn't see anything particular in his eyes :(

So I left, being frustrated at myself to not have been able to dive when I really had the perfect opportunity to get to chat with him some more and try to be flirty.

I hoped that maybe he would pick my number and call me.  But as of today (Friday), he has not called me.  I'm not ready to abandon the idea that I can get to know this guy more.  I have to know if he's gay or not.  I have to let a few days pass and I may come back with another plan that seems not too bad in my mind right now.  I just need to give myself some time...

In the last 2 days, I have had time to think about why I blocked to try to flirt with him and I think I have found the answer.  I fear that I would be humiliated if I flirt with him but he says that he's not gay at all.  I would feel so naive and stupid...  It would be way better for me if he tells me that he already has a boyfriend.  But if he's not gay, I would feel diminished and really fooled. I'm sure that if I was 100% sure that he's gay, it would be much easier for me.  I guess thats every gay's biggest problem.


  1. Hey JF,
    I hope you're not too frustrated with yourself -I think you did really, really well. It's too bad your salesman didn't seem as interested the second time around, but that might not mean anything. Maybe he was having a lousy day or felt bad about screwing up at the checkout. Regardless, *you* did everything right. I love how fearless you were with the follow-up. Telling him you would return and calling him by name were good touches too. And I don't think you should feel bad about not flirting more - he wasn't really giving off that kind of vibe this time.

    Your last paragraph totally makes sense. Not knowing if someone is gay has got to add another layer of complexity that I can't begin to understand. I'm sure you'll get some good advice in that area. I would guess, though, that even if your guy is straight or already in a relationship, he'll be flattered if you ask him out. That's how I would feel.

    Good luck!!

    1. Thank you Ann Marie,

      your comment is really sweet, as usual :)

  2. You don't know if he is gay, and he may be wondering if you are gay. This is what sucks about being gay. Unless you meet someone online or in a gay club, how do you know the guy is gay?

  3. I'm proud of you for having the courage to go back period. Keep us posted. :)

  4. I remember being in your shoes many times growing up. There is nothing easy about our initial forays into the world of interpersonal relationships and dating but it IS exciting, new, wonderful and horrible all at the same time!

    I can't help but smile and wish you the very best in this part of your journey of self discovery as you reach out to others and seek. All of these feelings are a part of life's magnificent promise. To know and to be known. You are doing great and I am proud of you.


    P.S. Remind me to share someday my story about the very first boy I ever asked out. :)

    1. Daemon, I couldn't have described it better: exciting, new, wonderful and horrible all at the same time !

      Please share your story, I love stories like that!!