Monday, February 4, 2013

Questionning my feelings

I think I must have written in one of my latest posts that I had told Flyman that I wanted us to spend time together and just see where it will lead us, without being concerned about the feelings I had or didn't have for him.

Last Sunday, however, I began to have some thoughts about my feelings.  I tried to push them away because I didn't want to think about it and I was afraid of what I would discover.

The next morning, though, was another story.  I couldn't help thinking that I did not have love feelings for Flyman.  I was feeling almost sick about it.  It became clear in my mind that I had to tell it to Flyman later that night because our next date was on Tuesday and I didn't want him to kiss me at my arrival before I would tell him.

I was in a bad mood all day because of this.

Then, early in the evening, I was writing a post and it made me think of the time we had spent together.  I felt really confused and my heart started racing.  I couldn't pinpoint why my heart was racing: was it because of the stress of having to tell Flyman in a few hours that I didn't have feelings for him; or was it because I didn't want to "break up" with him??

I really had no idea so I decided to play it safe and not tell him.  We chatted a bit on Skype that night and I was feeling good.  We confirmed our date the next night.

The date on Tuesday went well, we went to a restaurant and then we watched a movie together. 

But, after the restaurant, we took a small walk to digest and he decided to hold my hand (it was not the first time he did that, I'm just not sure if I have already talked about it)  He likes to do it when we are in a quiet area and that we don't meet people walking.  After a few minutes there was a guy coming in our direction. Flyman let my hand go.  After he had passed us, I told Flyman: "You could have continued holding my hand, I'm sure he was gay!"  He replies: "No he's not!! Did you see how he's dressed!?" (the guy was a bit trashy).  I reply, jokingly: "What!?!?!? you're so judgemental!!"  Seriously I didn't even look at the guy and I have no idea if he was gay or not.  But, it was fun seeing that the bias can go in both ways!!

During the movie, he asked me if I was starting to have feelings for him.  I remembered the doubts I had the day before but I couldn't just tell him about it.  I was speechless.  I was about to tell him and I said "Fuck", thinking that I was about to tell him, but he said something about the fact that he shouldn't ask because it was too soon. 

The next few days went well for me, I didn't have the same strong feeling like on Monday.  I was actually not thinking about my feelings.  So I was good to spend almost a full weekend with Flyman.

** Update.... I forgot to mention that my little buddy was in better shape that night :)

1 comment:

  1. LOL! Glad to hear your peen was more cooperative. I wouldn't worry too much about your feelings right now, personally. Give them time to sort themselves out. If you enjoy his company, that's what matters.