The next morning, though, was another story. I couldn't help thinking that I did not have love feelings for Flyman. I was feeling almost sick about it. It became clear in my mind that I had to tell it to Flyman later that night because our next date was on Tuesday and I didn't want him to kiss me at my arrival before I would tell him.
I was in a bad mood all day because of this.
Then, early in the evening, I was writing a post and it made me think of the time we had spent together. I felt really confused and my heart started racing. I couldn't pinpoint why my heart was racing: was it because of the stress of having to tell Flyman in a few hours that I didn't have feelings for him; or was it because I didn't want to "break up" with him??
I really had no idea so I decided to play it safe and not tell him. We chatted a bit on Skype that night and I was feeling good. We confirmed our date the next night.
The date on Tuesday went well, we went to a restaurant and then we watched a movie together.
But, after the restaurant, we took a small walk to digest and he decided to hold my hand (it was not the first time he did that, I'm just not sure if I have already talked about it) He likes to do it when we are in a quiet area and that we don't meet people walking. After a few minutes there was a guy coming in our direction. Flyman let my hand go. After he had passed us, I told Flyman: "You could have continued holding my hand, I'm sure he was gay!" He replies: "No he's not!! Did you see how he's dressed!?" (the guy was a bit trashy). I reply, jokingly: "What!?!?!? you're so judgemental!!" Seriously I didn't even look at the guy and I have no idea if he was gay or not. But, it was fun seeing that the bias can go in both ways!!
During the movie, he asked me if I was starting to have feelings for him. I remembered the doubts I had the day before but I couldn't just tell him about it. I was speechless. I was about to tell him and I said "Fuck", thinking that I was about to tell him, but he said something about the fact that he shouldn't ask because it was too soon.
The next few days went well for me, I didn't have the same strong feeling like on Monday. I was actually not thinking about my feelings. So I was good to spend almost a full weekend with Flyman.
** Update.... I forgot to mention that my little buddy was in better shape that night :)