Syrup guy
We chatted a bit on Facebook. One night, two nights, three nights. Chatting was a bit hard with him for me. I am not a very extroverted person and I had to be the one to bring topics up, topics to which he didn't seem interested in.... So it was a bit rough for me... We either aren't met to really get along or chatting on the web is not his thing....
High school guy
Late last monday night, High school guy sent me a message, asking if I was available the next night. I read the message only the next morning and I was quite excited about it. I replied immediately and told him I finished work late that night, but that we would see later if we could meet.
Back home that night, I waited for him to log on but he never logged! I saw him again the next evening and we started chatting again. He explained that he was not feeling good the night before. I offered him to go grab a coffee (even if I don't drink coffee LOL). It seemed like it was going to happen... but after some back and forth, he said that he looked like a mess and was too nervous to meet me. So it was a missed opportunity, but I was willing to be patient ( I still had a date planned with The cook 3 days later!)
I wrote him again on Saturday. He replied rapidly. I answered back rapidly. He didn't answer. Sunday passed. I saw he was online. He didn't reply....
The cook
Last Friday was the first date with The cook. I had set the date in a restaurant downtown. He lives an hour away from me (more than I initially thought), so I had made the reservation for 7:30. Before arriving, I was wondering if I should wait fo him outside and greet him there. Or wait for him inside? What is the protocol?? Should I hug him, kiss him, shake hands??? My brain was spinning haha!!
Finally, when I arrived, I went inside to see if someone had arrived for my table. It turned out that he was already there so I joined him at our table and we did not kiss or hug and I dont think we shaked hands neither... But he seemed happy to see me and I was happy to meet him.
We rapidly started talking about our various interests. Many are common so it is quite interesting :) We had a fairly nice time. After tthe meal we were both so full of food we agreed to take a walk. I brought us to the boardwalk along the nearby river. We walked for at least half an hour (I really have no idea when we started and when we ended) We talked about coming out and he was quite surprised to know that mine was quite recent. I also told him about my lack of experience and he was even more surprised. The reason: "Well, you're cute", he said!! I suppose he thinks I'm a dude magnet hahaha!!
After the walk we decided to grab a coffee ( an apple juice for me!) We chatted more there, revealing some of our weird sides. Nothing too weird was said, but we both now how nerds we can be now!! Time came to leave the coffee shop. It was around 11 and he was awake since 4AM so he was getting quite tired.
We walked to my car (which was not really far from his) and there we talked how we would like to meet again. We exchanged our cellphone numbers. He told me that in the coffee shop, he had wanted to hold my hands but that he was too shy to do so. He asked me if I would have liked it and I said that I'm a really shy person too and that I am not used to have my hands hold in public so I may have reacted oddly. And I added that the fact that it was with another guy in public could have been weird to me with all the other persons around. So he grabbed one of my hand for a few seconds and it did feel good. A bit later it was a bit awkward because we were both wondering what to do before leaving. He said that he didn't know what to do anymore (he has been in a relationship for 9 years, relationship that ended a few months ago). On my side, well I really don't know neither... so we agreed to hug. I told him that we could kiss on a next date.
We parted ways and I came back home. I had the feeling that there is potential with this guy. We have lots , but not too much , in common, I feel good with him, he seems to feel good with me, he thinks I'm cute, I think he's sexy. He's well spoken and has a good head above his shoulders. Really I thought that I wanted to get to know him more and see where things could lead us.
Saturday, I sent him a SMS on his phone, saying that I had spent a nice evening with him. Sadly he didn't reply. The next day, I logged on the dating site and I saw he was online. I decided to sent him a funny line that was in line with something he had told me. He didn't answer to that message neither.
Yesterday night
Being apparently dumped by both HS guy and The cook, I didn't feel super well yesterday. One of the things I hate is to not understand what hppens to me or to not understand why people act a certain way towards me. This time was no exception as I couldn't understand why both of them had stopped communicating with me. Could I be so naive to not see the obvious signs that they were not interested in me? What was wrong with me??
I've only been doing this for a year, but the situation you describe is pretty common, I think.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You're intelligent, charming and handsome and would be a great 'catch' for some guy.
Some guys online just flirt, do sexy chat and make plans but that is enough for them at that moment. They might not have the courage for the next step, an actual meeting.... or they're just not ready.
My first reaction to the cook was that after a 9 year relationship, he is probably in no position to get serious with anyone. He needs and will seek a 'slut phase' whether he knows it or not!
But having met you once, it would have been just politeness to respond to your message at least once, if only to offer some reason / excuse who he didn't want to see you again. But many guys abandon good manners on these sites.
Just remain calm, self-confident and enjoy the ride! There are plenty of men out there who are worthy of you.
Syrup guy sounds super shy and unsure of himself. Unsolicited advice: Just check in with him ever now and then (like every couple of weeks or once a month). I think you said he want to one of the events your LGBT group does. Perhaps the group and its events as an occasional excuse. "Hey, I thought of you the other day. Are you going to [upcoming gathering]? If so, maybe I'll see you there." If you don't have a lot of common interests, you may just become casual friends. That's not a bad thing, though.
ReplyDeleteHigh School Guy sounds much the same. Same basic unsolicited advice as above. Check in infrequently, just "how are you doing" sorts of things.
I think Buddy Bear's comments on The Cook are pretty accurate. Ending a nine year relationship merely months ago must make even trying to date pretty hard for him. He probably needs time to process.
Oh, and kudos for you on negotiating with The Cook on how the two of you want to end the date. Things would be much better if people would learn to do that rather than just try to figure out what they're "supposed to do." (And according to who, anyway?)
Thank you guys, your comments are very, very appreciated!!
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