Friday, September 28, 2012

Attention whore

This is a not so serious post... or is it?!?

I've always considered myself being independant.  Still, I do remember some episodes in my life where I wanted to be noticed, "befriended", liked.  I'm not really proud of what goes in my head when I don't get the attention I want or expect.  Doubts come over, than anger and sadness.

When I was meeting the sex counselor, we began by exploring my personality and try to identify some negative schemes in my life.  Three came out.  Two were expected, but one was a surprise to my counsellor and me.  That surprise was a "love deficit".  I think it was a surprise because I've managed to get passed it.... by being independant.  However, I do think that it was a security system I set up in order to not suffer from that love deficit.  It had even managed to fool my counsellor.

In everyday situation, I don't like to be the center of attention.  However, I have come to realize that when I want to be noticed (for whatever reason), I get really sad if I don't get the attention I want from the people I want.  It's in these situations that I don't like how I react and what goes in my head.

When I started this blog, I had a few reasons to do it.  But I had not imagined that getting attention would be one.  I can now confirm that it is an opportunity for me to get some attention and I am not proud to say that sometimes, I'm sad for the lack of comments.  I'm an attention whore when comes to getting comments on my posts.  I remember reading two bloggers who said they needed comments on their posts because they were attention whore.  I can say I'm in that group too...  But is every blogger an attention whore?  I guess not if they have a well fulfilled non-virtual life.

I guess that's my problem...  I need to get a life out here!! I don't think it's healthy to rely on the virtual world to get the attention I need.  I need to meet new people and I'm really looking forward to meet new friends at the local LGBT group.  However, the summer break isn't over yet for the group, I think it starts back only in a few weeks.  Of course, having a nice guy in my life would help a lot too!!

I really don't want you readers to think that I'm sad at you..... I'm sad at me.  There are things that need to be changed in my life in order to get the attention and love I need.  Blogging helps and meeting great persons via blogging too!!!  I'm really happy to have you all in my life, you do make a difference for me.  This is true, you often make my day... However, it can't end there.... I need to continue going forward** in the "real life".

OK, so I think I've made my share of not so positive posts lately...  I want you to know that I'm still fine and I still have great days most of the time.  This week has been pretty rough for a lot of people around me and I didn't escape that trend....  However, the week is over so we can put it out behind us!!  I'm hoping to be able to share some more joyous posts in the coming weeks!!

Take care, everyone!
JF


**  See Matt, I can do it too!!


20 comments:

  1. I think you sound pretty normal. If I had a blog I would want lots of comments too, regardless of how busy I was in my "real" life.

    You touched on the need to meet new people and find a guy, and you seem to be taking all the steps needed to make that happen. You're doing a lot of things right - the hardest part may just be the waiting.

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  2. I feel the same as Ann Marie. If I had put in all the time it takes to set up and continue a blog, I absolutely would want to hear from people each time I posted. And you have put in the work. Your blog is correctly named 'Going Forward', because that's what you are doing.

    Not everything comes to fruition right away, and waiting IS the hardest part, but you have definitely gotten yourself out there, and that's the most important thing. Never lose faith in yourself, or what you are doing!

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  3. Thanks!! I feel a little less "whory" now :)

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  4. This is true, you often make my day... However, it can't end there.... I need to continue going forward** in the "real life".

    And you will as time goes by. Again, this is one of those times I'd like to suggest that maybe you're pushing yourself a little too hard. You don't have to get where your headed tomorrow or even next week. So encourage and praise yourself for the steps you've made so far and enjoy the journey itself.

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    1. Thanks, Colorful. I really need to remember your advice :)

      I would like to specify that a reason for this post was to explain my newfound (but not new in itself) "love deficit". It does affect my blogging. It's another thing I have to deal with in my journey. It's not affecting me most of the time, but when it does, I tend to be harder on myself. That's when I need to remeber your advice!!

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  5. Hi JF,

    I think it's perfectly understandable about wanting people to comment on your blog. I don't think that makes you an "attention whore." Whenever Brad or I write a post where we open up and share something really personal, it means a lot that people take the time to comment or give us their observations. That's one of the positive things about keeping a blog.

    The other thought I have is that when part of your journey is "going forward"** in your life (which includes coming out to different people), there's usually a part of us that wants to be noticed (and accepted) by others, and another part that feels fearful of really being seen, ya know? Not only have you already taken some really big steps forward, but you're also doing some important "preparation" work to keep heading in the direction you've chosen for yourself.

    **I did it again! ;)

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    1. Matt, these kind of comments help me understand myself better. I relate a lot to what you say, thank you!!

      ** Smartass!! :P

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    2. "** Smartass!! :P"

      LMAO!! ;-)

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  6. Hey JF! I don't think you're an attention whore. :). I'm sure most bloggers feel the exact same way. Plus, I think the comments in response to posts you make help you feel "heard" and everyone wants that. *hugs*. Hope you had a fantastic weekend and sorry for the delay of this comment, I was traveling. Take care!

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  7. I completely understand. There have been many days I was like is anyone out there. I'm a depressing guy, so I get it. But it's still sad sometimes. I don't even have that many followers and the blog has been around for over a year. I think about giving it up. I know I have lurkers but still. I completely get why you are looking for comments.

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    1. Hi Ivan,
      there has to be more reasons for you blogging than having lots of followers. For me, I don't blog only for the social aspect of it (which was one of the main reasons of this post). I also do it for personal reasons. It could also be a personal diary, however I have chosen something more fulfilling. I also want to share stuff that occasional lurkers could find interesting or enlighting. If I can help in any way, I'll just be super happy... but there are chances that I won't even know if it happens and I accept it.

      So in the end, what I want to tell you is to not forget that blogging can be rewarding in many ways. Plus, you do have new followers like me joining so from what I know, you're getting more followers ;)

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  8. I enjoy the comments I receive on my blog. I would hate it if I wrote a really heart-felt post and received no comments at all. (that's never happened)

    My suggestion to feed your attention-whore needs (and to get lots of views and comments) is to use titilating, sexy titles and to post lots of pics of your bare ass. It works for me! LOL

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    1. LOL!! well... hummmmm... I won't post pics of my ass, bare or not :) Sorry haha!! I'll see about the post titles. Thanks for your comment, I hope it won't be the last!

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    2. won't post pics of my ass, bare or not :)

      Our loss, I'm sure!

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    3. I was not sure so I checked it out... and you're right!! What a loss for you guys :)

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    4. And now I recommend adding "mild tease" to the list of qualities in your Monday post. ;)

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    5. LOL!!! I've actually already said it twice (i just realized the mistake!!)

      " I want a relationship to be fun, so I expect myself to be joyful, teasing, mischievious at times, teasing, jester..."

      I've just been all that on my previous comment !!

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  9. Blogging can be cathartic.....almost a replacement for therapy. However, I totally understand what you mean about comments. It's nice to know that someone is reading your blog, and comments demonstrate that. It's even nicer to get well though out comments where someone else shares their perspective on your post -- and maybe changes how you view the situation.

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    1. Hi RB, yes I like when somenone's comment makes me think back as well and makes me reconsider things. I discovered your nice blog, BTW.

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